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11 Jun 2012

Dragons and Dogmas 2: Rook the Pawn

Author: Grant | Filed under: News

“Hail, Arisen!” he said, getting in my way. “‘Tis an honor to at last meet thee!”

 

 

Great. Ye olde English. Real funny, Shakespeare.

 

“Look, I’m kind of in a hurry, so if you could just -”

 

“Pray, m’lord, art thou prepared for thine journey ahead? ‘Twill be an arduous quest, indeed! Best stock up afore we venture forth!”

 

Clearly he had missed my skull belt buckle, indicating just how prepared I effing was. Either way, it became apparent this guy wasn’t putting on an act.

 

We? Who said you were coming with -”

 

He gave a little bow, and showed me a tattoo or something on his hand. It began to glow as he spoke.

 

“Forgive me, Arisen! I hath neglected to introduce myself! I am a Pawn from a realm far beyond thine own. I am called Rook.”

 

The irony wasn’t lost on me. I was ready to make a joke about being a Bishop named Queen, but he continued without missing a beat. “‘Tis a Pawn’s destiny to travel with The Arisen on his quest to slay the Wyrm! But first, thou must prove thou art truly The Arisen!”

 

I survived my heart being torn from my rib cage – what more could these lunatics want? I decided this wasn’t worth my time, and left my hometown of Cassardis and Rook the Pawn along with it.

 

 

 

 

Or so I thought.

 

I was about to tell the guy he was mistaken and my chest scar was the result of some crazy fishing misadventure, but I was cut off by some frantic screams a little farther up the road.

 

Yikes. If my kids were that ugly, I’d scream too.

 

“Arisen!” Rook said, pointing to the shouting man and his ugly children, “That mob of goblins is accosting yon peddler! ‘Tis our duty to assist him!”

 

“You say something, Rook?”

 

After fighting a dragon, these goblins didn’t seem all that scary. Saving this pansy from them was a snap, and it earned me a pretty dope cape.

 

Thanks, Reynard. Good to know you think this cape is worth your life and stuff.

 

Regardless, this solved my exposed shoulder problem from earlier, so I couldn’t complain. I turned around to ask if he had a discount deal on sword and shield combo purchases when…

 

“Arisen! Let us make haste for the encampment ahead! ‘Twill be there that thy mettle shalt be tested!”

 

I was beyond sick of Rook at this point. Screw your stupid test, let’s see how much mettle I’ve got right here and now, chump!

 

Is this enough mettle for you, Rook? I ain’t even tired.

 

 

How ’bout NOW?

 

Despite my display of might, Rook simply stood up and dusted himself off.

 

“Arisen,” he said, as if nothing had happened. “We truly musn’t tarry. Thy test awaits!.”

 

Well played, Pawn, but I won’t be brushed aside. Rather than test my mettle, let’s give yours a little test to see if you’re worth my time.

 

 

Okay, in hindsight, maybe I overdid it.

 

 

Oh boy. Hope nobody saw that.

 

Naturally, I rushed down the cliff to see if my clumsy best friend Rook, who totally fell on accident and was not thrown by anyone, was alright.

 

 

No friggin’ way.

 

 

Okay, Rook, I thought. Maybe you’re not so bad to keep around after all.

 

Now that he had passed my little test, I decided I’d return the favor and at least take his. I figured a guy this tough would make for a fine travel companion, so I might as well be an agreeable Arisen. As we walked, he piped up with all sorts of helpful info. Glad I realized what a strong, brave guy Rook actually was.

 

“Goblins ill-like fire, Master. ‘Twill make short work of them next time.”

 

“Follow this road north, and we’ll reach the capital of all Gransys, Gran Soren.”

 

“‘There be no shame in fleeing from an overpowering foe, m’lord.”

 

 

That’s enough out of you for today.

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED.